As we cuddle together, his body slowly becomes limp and he sleeps. He had insisted on "the tickle" right until he succumbed. He becomes entranced whenever I take my nails and skim them across his back or arms and neck. When I stop, he wiggles and panics and says, "Tickle, tickle" over and over again until I begin again. Then he says, "Ahhhh, tickle," and he's content. The kid's an addict. I had just changed his diaper before bedtime and he was exhausted from another day of toddler adventure. He hair was a riot of curls around his head and a few places were sticky from some ice cream he had eaten earlier. I ran my fingers through his hair cherishing the baby-soft feel of it. I could feel the child growing inside of me kick against him as if to say, "Hello? I'm in here and you're crushing me!" He is oblivious. I enjoy listening to his breath and keep up "the tickle" even though he doesn't feel it now. He looks like a cherub with his rosy cheeks, pink lips, extremely long lashes curling upward, and curly blond hair. I gently turn him around till I'm cradling him and take him off to bed. As I lay him on his bed and tuck him in for the night, he doesn't wake. He's lost in toddler dreamland. I turn on the fan and look back at him. I kneel down beside his bed, kiss his hand once...twice....three times. Feeling as if my pregnancy hormones are about to take over and my emotions burst into fragments, I say a prayer for my son and leave the room. But my thoughts do not leave him. I often wonder what is in store for my sons. I often wonder what I can do beyond teach them, care for them, and love them. As I stand outside his bedroom door, I pray, "Be with my sons, Lord. Protect them. Give them wisdom." That is the best thing I could do for them.
They instructed me to make sure I have a full bladder on arriving for my ultrasound. Ha. I almost laughed in their faces. Pregnant me plus a full bladder equals a disaster. On my son's birthday back in March, I had to drive all the kids home afterward. I had drunk a lot of water and couldn't believe I had forgotten what happens to me when I drink too much water with no bathroom nearby when I'm pregnant. I counted the minutes till I got home all the while breaking the law and speeding trying to keep in mind not to drive too recklessly screaming at the poky people in front of me. It brought to mind the very first time I experienced a full bladder as a pregnant woman. It was my first baby and my husband was in the Air Force. So, when we had an ultrasound we went to the Academy in Colorado Springs. They told me to drink an astronomical amount of water before I came. I did so and then we started out for the half hour drive to the hospital. By the time we were on the
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