Thursday, September 30, 2010

To Date or Not To Date

Doc and I have actually been tweeking with the idea of going on a date.

I know. Totally weird.

Not the idea of doing something romantic. It's the idea that we actually might have the guts to dump our offspring on some unsuspecting person.

This has always been a hard decision for us to make. I mean, we do watch the news and let's face it, we're paranoid.

That's probably why we haven't been on a real date that didn't include scarfing down our food as fast as we can and running back home to see if it's still standing and no one is bleeding.

Just the other day, I asked Doc, "So, are we going out for Chinese tonight?" I was crossing my fingers mentally, chewing on my lip.

I so wanted to be irresponsible. We haven't been on a date in forever and I was craving Chinese like crazy.

I suggested that our 13-year-old son get a chance to hold down the fort for a couple hours. I even turned on my sexy voice and said, "We'll have our cell phone with us."

His reply to me was, "I really don't want to come home to find dead children."

Yeah, well, I guess not.

So, back to the old drawing board of finding the one person we can sucker into watching our five boys.

It's not like they are real terrors. They're actually cute, little buggers. It's just that, well, sometimes they get a little loud and maybe they get a little bored and maybe they get into things and maybe those things end up on the carpet, and the walls, and maybe a little on your favorite pair of pants.

I've been so desperate to get out of the house, though. So much so, that I try to tempt the boys to do their chores and reward them with a night out with mom.

I try to sound like it's the coolest thing in the world. My voice is super-excited when I say, "We can go see a movie or go out to a really nice restaurant. Ooh, we can even find a STEAKHOUSE."

This was for Bashful's benefit because like mother, like son. He's a sucker for steak. He almost wavered when Grumpy broke in.

"That would be kind of gross cause then it would be like a date. Eeuu."

I immediately scoffed like it was so not true because I could see Bashful was still thinking about it and Grumpy was totally cramping my style.

Before I could go for the piece de resistance called the DQ Blizzard, Bashful turned down my offer and asked for $10 instead.

Some parents do not have a problem with dropping their kids off at someone's house. You can still hear the squeel of the tires as they peel out of the driveway.

But, I feel guilty every time I leave the house alone to go to the grocery store, for Pete's sake! Maybe because my children are still begging and crying at the door as I peal their arms off my legs.

There have been occasions when I cave in and let them go with me. On one such occasion, I did.

When I got home from the store, I burst through the door and announced to Doc, "No more Mrs. Nice Mommy! I am NEVER bringing them to the store AGAIN!"

Sometimes, it takes a few times for me to remember, "Oh, yeah, that's why I don't let them come with me."

Still, just going out by myself is enough to make my stomach cramp with guilt. My children get out just as much as I do and I realize that maybe they need some time out in society, too.

Then, I remember that I have actually mastered my "indoor voice" and I don't announce to the whole room that I need to go "pee pee".

It would be nice to get out with Doc sometime, though. I need to look across the table and say, "Oh, yeah, you're the one that helped me make those little boogers. How've ya been, anyway?"