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Call Me Crazy

Blowing my frizzed-out hair out of my face, I unlock the front door and watch my brood pile into the house. My brain feels overloaded and my body is about to crash at any second.

I had made the ultimate crazy decision to take my boys to an Italian restaurant for lunch on Valentine's Day....by myself.

I know.

A little, red imp must have been on my shoulder whispering into my ear when I made that decision thinking what a jolly good joke that would be.

I did as much planning ahead that I possibly could, but when I'm by myself with my five children in public, well, anything could happen.

The boys were really excited, but they diligently worked on their schoolwork to get it done. While I was distracted with that, Happy had decided to get into the fridge and pull out the sour cream and eat it straight out of the bowl. He proceeded to get it all over his nice, red sweater that I had put on him for Valentine's Day.

Not a good start.

We were finally on our way and arrived at our favorite restaurant. We had to wait a few minutes before we had an available table and in the meantime, Bashful and Grumpy were bouncing off the walls in their excitement.

I put on my "Mommy's very serious" face, and gave them the empty promise that if they didn't calm down, we would leave immediately which got their attention.

When we finally got to our table, I sat down and across from me, I noticed Happy dancing around in his seat. I told Bashful to ask the hostess where the bathroom was and take Happy there. They both had to go past Sleepy in the booth and Bashful thought it a lark to push Sleepy right out of the seat onto the floor. I informed him I was never bringing him to a restaurant again. For some reason, he didn't believe me. They came back to the table after a while, and Happy immediately started dancing in his seat again. I asked Bashful if Happy had gone, and he said no. So, I ordered them both to the bathroom again.

Right after they left, I noticed Sleepy dancing in his seat as well. I said, "Sleepy? Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Of course, the procrastinator said no. I let it go and finally looked down at my menu.

Bashful came back with Happy and Happy announced very loudly that he went pee. It didn't matter that he had spoken loudly because the restaurant was one great big din. I couldn't hear myself think.

Adding to the noise was Grumpy and Sleepy taking their two forks and sliding them across each other as if they were sharpening a pair of knives. I think I started developing a headache at this point.

Soon after Bashful and Happy got back from the bathroom, Sleepy started dancing in his seat again. I told him that if he waited any longer he wouldn't make it to the toilet. So, Bashful took Sleepy to the bathroom.

In the middle of my entree, Sneezy woke up and noticing that he was in an unfamiliar place, he screwed up his face and began to wail. I took him out and comforted him and he was fine just looking around.

As soon as Happy had decided he was done eating, it was time to go according to him. When he realized that we weren't leaving, he proceeded to slide up and down from his seat onto the floor underneath the table.

Aargh.

At one point, I got so fed up with him underneath the table that I started nudging him with my foot to get his attention and let him know that Mommy meant business. I couldn't climb under there myself since I was holding Sneezy. As I was nudging him with my foot, the waiter came up to our table and asked if we were finished. My answer was, "Yep."

All during our time in this restaurant, I couldn't help but notice that the booth behind us also had children in it. Such a clamour you never heard before. There was screaming, laughing, loud talking, wailing, you name it. I think we were in the "children's section" of the restaurant.

I paid the check and as we were pulling on our coats, I just happened to glance underneath the table and noticed my keys on the floor. I gasp, "My keys!" in confusion and astonishment wondering how in the world they ended up there. Who knows.

Anyhoo, we got out the door in one piece and somehow my brain was intact if not my sanity. I guess I'm the kind that learns by experience and next time we are going to the bathroom BEFORE we leave the house.

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