Skip to main content

Baby Tips

Tips for the first-time mother:

1) Do NOT leave the bowl of baby food on the highchair tray while feeding your baby. You will end up with baby food decorating the wall, the floor, the baby, and yourself. Hold the bowl far away from baby's reach.

2) Do NOT try to feed a 7-month-old baby his cereal in front of the TV. You will end up with cereal on the carpet, the baby, and yourself. It is best to feed him in his highchair where he can't crawl all over you during his meal.

3) Once baby starts creeping, post gates at bottom of stairs. He will be climbing up the stairs even when you think he can't do it yet.

4) Cover your nose with a protective covering when holding baby at all times. For some reason, babies think it is detachable or edible.

5) Make sure your cat isn't stupid.

6) Do not wear long earrings and keep your hair out of reach. You'll end up bleeding or bald.

7) Learn to sleep sitting up straight.

8) Learn how to change a poopy diaper on your lap without getting it on your church clothes.

9) Exercise by doing a lot of squats. If your baby is fussy and you are in public, it is best to just hold him in your arms and squat down to pick up whatever it is you dropped. You're going to need strong thighs.

10) Savor every moment. Smother him with kisses, hugs, tickles, raspberries, smiles, and funny noises. This time will go by too fast.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dignified Woman

They instructed me to make sure I have a full bladder on arriving for my ultrasound. Ha. I almost laughed in their faces. Pregnant me plus a full bladder equals a disaster. On my son's birthday back in March, I had to drive all the kids home afterward. I had drunk a lot of water and couldn't believe I had forgotten what happens to me when I drink too much water with no bathroom nearby when I'm pregnant. I counted the minutes till I got home all the while breaking the law and speeding trying to keep in mind not to drive too recklessly screaming at the poky people in front of me. It brought to mind the very first time I experienced a full bladder as a pregnant woman. It was my first baby and my husband was in the Air Force. So, when we had an ultrasound we went to the Academy in Colorado Springs. They told me to drink an astronomical amount of water before I came. I did so and then we started out for the half hour drive to the hospital. By the time we were on the ...

Candy Stash

As I bite into a luscious Reese's peanut butter cup, I have one thought in my mind. Thank you, Lord, that none of my children have food allergies. Otherwise, I would not be able to steal some of the candy bars from their Halloween candy stash. I would normally consider myself a meat and potatoes kind of gal. I would rather eat roast and mashed potatoes than candy any day. There comes a time, though, in every woman's life when eating chocolate becomes a must. Yesterday, I grabbed the pumpkin full of candy, locked the bathroom door, filled the tub with hot water, and luxuriated in a chocolate fest. It had to be done. May I say that Snickers is the best candy bar ever? Of course, Reese's comes in a very close second. Peanut butter and chocolate were made for each other. I was a bit disappointed to see no Butterfinger bars at all. What's up with that? Aidan probably noticed the less than full pumpkin because he brought me an empty one and told me that we need ...

To Date or Not To Date

Doc and I have actually been tweeking with the idea of going on a date. I know. Totally weird. Not the idea of doing something romantic. It's the idea that we actually might have the guts to dump our offspring on some unsuspecting person. This has always been a hard decision for us to make. I mean, we do watch the news and let's face it, we're paranoid. That's probably why we haven't been on a real date that didn't include scarfing down our food as fast as we can and running back home to see if it's still standing and no one is bleeding. Just the other day, I asked Doc, "So, are we going out for Chinese tonight?" I was crossing my fingers mentally, chewing on my lip. I so wanted to be irresponsible. We haven't been on a date in forever and I was craving Chinese like crazy. I suggested that our 13-year-old son get a chance to hold down the fort for a couple hours. I even turned on my sexy voice and said, "We'll have our cell phone with ...