Rugrats and Dirty Rugs

Antique Mommy is having a backpack giveaway at her blog and one of the things you have to do to get said backpack is to leave a comment telling her about your worst job. I thought that since I have my own blog, I would write a lengthy, boring post about it. So, sit back, kick your feet up, and pop some popcorn. This one is a doozy. When I was in college, I needed a job. At that time, Doc was my boyfriend and he was working at a restaurant as a waiter. He decided to put in a good word for me and I got a job as a waitress there. I was 19 years old and, people, 19-year-olds do not make good waitresses. It takes life experience and learning to multi-task before you make a half-way decent one. Since I had little life experience and my idea of multi-tasking was eating and watching TV at the same time, it took some work to turn me into a respectable waitress. Not long into my job, I was in the kitchen ordering extra white gravy. When it was ready, I turned with it in my hand and ran ri...

Last weekend, I had the priviledge of attending a little girl's birthday party. I was excited because this gave me the opportunity to go shopping for a girl. I don't get that chance very often and this was a real treat for me. It took me forever to find a gift. I wasn't sure what to get, but finally, I found it. It looked like a jewelry box, but instead it was for makeup. I thought I would look inside and see how big it was inside the box. As I opened it, three shelves lined with lip gloss, nail polish, and little rings popped out. So did my eyes. I literally gasped. It was like I was a little girl again. I was immediately drawn into the past remembering my love of dress-up and play acting. I grabbed it and went for the check-out. At the party, I had ants in my pants. I wanted to see this precious little girl's reaction to the gift my boys had supposedly gotten for her. I admit I am living vicariously through her. Her reaction was just what I had hoped for....

Happy has the impish inclination to explore the outdoors unbeknownst to his mother. With five boys and my own nature of being in my own world, it is hard to make sure the deadbolt is bolted. So, whenever he has a wont to be outside, he will by all means help himself out. My husband had just left when I go looking for Happy in his room. He was relegated to prison for some reason, but it became quiet and since that is always not a good sign, I thought I'd investigate. He wasn't in his room. I glanced briefly under the bed and when I couldn't find him anywhere else in the house, I took a deep breath and went outside. I searched everywhere and even went to the top of the bluffs calling his name. When Happy didn't answer his mother's calls, I included Grumpy and Sleepy in my search. Grumpy even went to the neighbor's house asking if they've seen him. For five minutes, we looked for that little imp to no avail. I ended up calling Doc totally in a panic. He asked i...

Sometimes, my boys will surprise me into laughter. They are always left with dumbfounded looks on their faces as if to wonder, "What'd I say?" Before church started, Sleepy took off his shoe to scratch his foot. I said, "You have an itch, honey?" He replied, "Yep. My shoe was tickling me so I would be happy." After Grumpy's near death experience , we drove into our driveway when he asked me a question. "Mom?" he asked. "Yes, dear?" I replied. "When we lose blood, do we shrink?" He had probably been pondering this question anxiously.

Doc is always regailing me with his childhood adventures one of which involved his bike. He told me he went flying through the air and ended up unconscious for a few seconds. He woke up to see his brother and friends looking down at him. That makes me shudder. Grumpy joined his brother Bashful and the elite group of youngsters who have learned how to ride a bike. His riding skills just need a little tweeking.....like how to ride down a steep hill. Yesterday, we were visiting friends and I was chatting away happily as usual when I was told that Grumpy had hurt himself. I was a little confused because, well, my boys are kind of tough and it's no big deal if they get hurt. I go outside and there's Grumpy on the bottom of the stairs crying and milking it for all it's worth for the benefit of the kids surrounding him. Through various children and disjointed storytelling, I was able to vaguely discern what had happened. Grumpy had borrowed a bike and went riding down the stee...

"Whenever I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate." I hate to exercise. The thing is, I can't live without food and my metabolism has gone south for the win.....forever. So, I figure if I don't want to turn into a walking blob, I better get myself moving. Years ago, I watched the infomercial for TaeBo and bought the tapes. I remember watching the advanced tape with my mouth to the floor. I was exhausted just watching it. So, whenever I was pregnant, I was happy to let the tapes collect dust. After baby #5, I realized how much I hate diets. Diets are for depressed people. I'm not depressed. I want to enjoy my life. If that means eating chocolate once in a while, then by golly, I'm going to eat chocolate. There's a price to pay for that. You got it. Jumbo thighs. So, I had an epiphany. If I exercise enough and don't eat chocolate EVERY day, maybe I won't turn into a hippopotamus after all. Thus beg...

This past year, I've had the priviledge of homeschooling three children at a time. It was my first year with all three. There were some ups and downs, but we managed to muddle through it. I found out quite by accident that Sleepy needed to learn his sounds before his letters. This concept quite boggled my mind. I had no idea that some children are better at learning their sounds first. After I was bonked on the head with this new knowledge, things became a lot smoother for both of us. Grumpy and I butted heads often this past year. His Peter Pan concept battled with his need for an education. If he could live on an island and never learn a thing, he would be happy. The problem is, his brain wouldn't let him. When Grumpy finally learned who was boss, he gave in but sometimes only half-heartedly. I learned that I have to be consistent with him, or he will definitely see a weak spot and go for the throat. I have been pleased with Bashful's progress this past year. I...

Like all mothers, I've been wondering how to incorporate healthy food into my children's meals. When I was sick as a dog and pregnant with Sneezy, my mother came to take care of us all for a little while. One day, she decided to make a salad to go with our dinner. I said, "Mom, no one is going to eat that except for us adults." "Well," she responded, "it won't hurt to try it." Lo, and behold, Happy devoured what salad was left in the bowl. I was astounded. I had no idea that any of my children would look twice at the rabbit food let alone eat it. I learned a lesson that day and from then on, I've tried to "sneak" food onto the table without the kids noticing that it is good for them. Lately, I've switched the whole family onto wheat bread. (insert evil snicker) They have no idea. That's the funny part. The bread tastes so good that they've managed to overlook the slight brown color to it. For some reason, no...

I was pregnant with twins. Yep. That's right. Two of them. I had gotten pregnant when Grumpy was around a year old. I didn't feel the usual symptoms of puking up my guts day after day, so I went to a doctor who happened to be adept at the ultrasound machine. That's when we saw two of them and two of them had already died. To have come so close to having two babies at the same time and losing them before I even knew about them left me shaken. My whole body shook as I stared at the ultrasound picture of my babies. I couldn't take my eyes off of it as Doc and I walked to our car. I stared at it all the way home. I kept saying, "Two of them. We had two of them." We were both in shock at just the knowledge of what could have been. Some may say, "Well, it may have been just as well. Then, you would have had to get two of everything!" Those people can go suck an egg. I spent the rest of the day in bed. I had wanted those babies. I wanted two c...

Grumpy has had the occasional nose bleed due to the dry air here in Southern Colorado. It is usually quite the gusher and he always has blood all over himself by the time we make it to the bathroom. About a week ago, he had a nose bleed, but this time his nose looks like a piece of raw meat. It is not healing as fast as I would hope and the littlest thing will set it off again and he is running to get a tissue. Today, I have had a very whiny and grumpy Happy. He woke early and has been fighting off sleepiness all day. Well, 5pm rolls around and Happy is ready to crash. Put that together with Grumpy sneezing on him, and you have a recipe for a meltdown. This wasn't just any normal kind of sneezing. When your kid sneezes on another kid, you have the normal outraged voice followed by, "Eeeuuu! Gross!" But, your kid is able to move on with minimal affrontedness. Due to Grumpy's raw meat for a nose, his sneeze involved blood spatter. Happy was in the vicinity of s...

I am not the most graceful of women. In fact, I am quite the clutz. When I was around 16, I had decided to take my mother out for lunch. It was near Mother's Day and I wanted to treat her. We both decided to go for the salad and pasta bar, and I was happy with my pasta and marinara sauce. That day, I was wearing a silk, white blouse. As I leaned forward to converse with my mom, I had no inkling of what was happening. I leaned back at one point and we both realized that I had covered my blouse with marinara sauce. It is an inside joke that the women in my family cannot eat a meal without wearing part of it. That was just one of many clutzy mishaps, but I thought I would outgrow the tendency to fall on my face. No such luck. I am the one in this household who breaks the drinking glasses and falls down the stairs along with the many cuts and bruises that go along with that. Today was just such a day and it's not even noon yet. Now, I can't say that my clutziness is always due ...

Tips for the first-time mother: 1) Do NOT leave the bowl of baby food on the highchair tray while feeding your baby. You will end up with baby food decorating the wall, the floor, the baby, and yourself. Hold the bowl far away from baby's reach. 2) Do NOT try to feed a 7-month-old baby his cereal in front of the TV. You will end up with cereal on the carpet, the baby, and yourself. It is best to feed him in his highchair where he can't crawl all over you during his meal. 3) Once baby starts creeping, post gates at bottom of stairs. He will be climbing up the stairs even when you think he can't do it yet. 4) Cover your nose with a protective covering when holding baby at all times. For some reason, babies think it is detachable or edible. 5) Make sure your cat isn't stupid. 6) Do not wear long earrings and keep your hair out of reach. You'll end up bleeding or bald. 7) Learn to sleep sitting up straight. 8) Learn how to change a poopy diaper on your lap withou...

Grumpy and Happy are not the best of friends. They are five years apart in age and yet they bicker and scream at each other constantly. At one point, I started a new rule. Grumpy has to sit next to Happy at dinner time forever. They even have to hold hands while we pray for our food. If Grumpy refuses, Happy will whine, "Grumpy's not holding my hand!" This has been a source of bewilderment for me, but I came to an understanding. They are much alike. They are both demanding, loud, definitely not easy-going, and complaining creatures. They are also both very intelligent. Last night, at the dinner table, they were sitting side by side when all of a sudden, Grumpy yells, "Happy!" in complete indignation. We were used to this by now, but when we looked at the situation, Doc and I both had our mouths open in surprise. Happy had taken his spoon, filled it with beef vegetable soup, and very nonchalantly, poured it onto Grumpy's lap. He had never done someth...