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Showing posts from July, 2007

Losing Myself

"My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I AM Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being." - Wuthering Heights So many women worry that when they marry they will "lose themselves". I was very young when I married- just 20. I was still a girl in many ways. I still had a lot of learning and growing to do. As a married woman, I had

By-Gone Days

I saw this meme at Fiddledeedee's and just had to join in. I think a lot about those high school days. Some of it is funny and some of it I would rather forget. So, here goes: 1. Who was your best friend? Mary Smucker. She was five feet tall and had brown hair down to her hips. I was envious of that hair. She was a good Christian girl and loved God. She was a great influence on me. She had a steady boyfriend whom she had been dating for 5,000 years. She was homeschooled right up to her freshman year in high school. I always thought it was weird to be homeschooled and that homeschool families were a little crazy. Now I homeschool my own kids. Go figure. 2. Did you play any sports? Ha. That's a laugh. One time, I joined the cross-country team. Their warm-up was jogging one mile. I didn't get half way before I'm gasping for my life. I realized that for a teenager I was desperately out of shape. Then came the day I found out that to pass PE class we

T-Ball Days

Rachel from Testosterhome has recently had a fifth son! I myself have just recently found out that the child in my womb is a boy. My fifth son as well. There are some who are disappointed by this news. I have been doing some soul searching since I found out. Am I saying I'm not disappointed about this but inside I'm crying for the little girl I will never have? I have been thinking about the things I will miss out on. Things like braids and bows, tea parties and baby dolls, ballet and tutus, sweet little girl kisses and hugs, etc. etc. The list goes on. I do not deny that I will miss the opportunity to dress my little girl in pink and lace or decorate her room with flowers and ribbons. Yes, I will miss all of that, but this train of thought took only seconds for me. I thought of the boys I already have. All so unique and wonderful in their own way. They all look like clones as babies, but then they hit two-years-old and they begin to have their own look and person

The Cottage

I love the sound of trees rustling in the breeze. I love the sound of waves lapping onto the beach. I love sand, lazy days, and corn on the cob. Working in the kitchen, I love hearing the sound of the oscillating fan and the feel of the cool breeze coming in from the window. I love seeing the shadow of the trees onto the walls in the bedrooms. The ticking and chiming of the clock and sitting in the rocking chair with my sweet ones are soothing to me. I've been visiting the family cottage up in Michigan since I was engaged to my husband. I fell in love with its charm then and I'm fascinated with the history of the place. My husband's grandfather and great-grandfather actually built it. It boggles my mind. When we are there, all our stress seems to melt away. We relax for the first time in a year with no worries to think about till we get home. Every year, it seems we leave the scorching heat of Colorado and come to the coolness and greenness of heaven. I lazed my days away i

Book End Cottage

I was visiting a farm market in luscious Michigan one day and noticed they were selling cherries. I love cherries. As I stared at them wistfully thinking about how they would taste, I was brought back to a wonderful memory. I have a friend who used to live in Old Colorado City which is one of the few places in southern Colorado that has grass and trees. It is a charming place to visit. I love looking at all of the old houses and wondering what they look like inside. My friend had a little house right next to the library and during the summer that Aidan was just a baby she had an open house every weekend any and all visitors allowed. She insisted I come and visit her and not to bother calling first. I feel uncomfortable just showing up at people's houses, but since she was so insistent, I took her up on her offer. I couldn't help myself. She had an English-style garden in her front yard with a little picket fence. On her porch was a swing and she always served tea to

Sniffling Sisters

When my sister and I were living in the cute, little white house across the street from our high school, we were hormonal teenagers. We are only 19 months apart in age, but you wouldn't find such two very different personalities. As teenage girls go though, we both loved to laugh, cry, and be scared to death. The movie, My Life , was in the theaters and my sister wanted to see it badly. I hadn't even heard of it and wanted to see something else. She gave me a summary of it and said it was supposed to be sad. During our conversation, our father overheard us and warned my sister not to drag me to a movie that I didn't want to see. After much cajoling which is typical of my sister, she ended up convincing me to see it. The girl could have been a lawyer my mother once said. We got into my car and trooped to the theater very excited about getting out of the house and seeing a good movie. After the movie was over, we held our composure till we got to the car. We looked

Dignified Woman

They instructed me to make sure I have a full bladder on arriving for my ultrasound. Ha. I almost laughed in their faces. Pregnant me plus a full bladder equals a disaster. On my son's birthday back in March, I had to drive all the kids home afterward. I had drunk a lot of water and couldn't believe I had forgotten what happens to me when I drink too much water with no bathroom nearby when I'm pregnant. I counted the minutes till I got home all the while breaking the law and speeding trying to keep in mind not to drive too recklessly screaming at the poky people in front of me. It brought to mind the very first time I experienced a full bladder as a pregnant woman. It was my first baby and my husband was in the Air Force. So, when we had an ultrasound we went to the Academy in Colorado Springs. They told me to drink an astronomical amount of water before I came. I did so and then we started out for the half hour drive to the hospital. By the time we were on the

No Entry

Things not allowed in our house anymore: chocolate syrup maple syrup gogurt popsicles spaghetti o's baby powder wipies I'm sure the list will only get bigger.

Midwives

I miss my old midwife. I miss the hour-long visits we would have. She became my friend and confidante. I could give birth in the privacy of my own home and my baby was never taken away from me. My husband didn't have to leave and we could even sleep in the same bed and not be parted. After the birth, my midwife would draw me a bubble bath. How delightful is that? With this baby, I promised my husband to have the baby in the hospital. I'm beginning to regret my promise. I've been to the ob/gyn office a total three times and each time I leave feeling a little let down. The first time they made me wait a whole hour before I saw my midwife. The second time I brought my kids with me and I got dirty looks from the receptionists. This time I had to wait half an hour and saw Mary, my midwife, for less than five minutes. I began to feel steam coming out of my ears when my name was finally called and was all smiles and laughter with the nurse and Mary not indicating my f