Midwives

I miss my old midwife. I miss the hour-long visits we would have. She became my friend and confidante. I could give birth in the privacy of my own home and my baby was never taken away from me. My husband didn't have to leave and we could even sleep in the same bed and not be parted. After the birth, my midwife would draw me a bubble bath. How delightful is that? With this baby, I promised my husband to have the baby in the hospital. I'm beginning to regret my promise. I've been to the ob/gyn office a total three times and each time I leave feeling a little let down. The first time they made me wait a whole hour before I saw my midwife. The second time I brought my kids with me and I got dirty looks from the receptionists. This time I had to wait half an hour and saw Mary, my midwife, for less than five minutes. I began to feel steam coming out of my ears when my name was finally called and was all smiles and laughter with the nurse and Mary not indicating my feelings on the wait time. I wanted to thumb my nose at them all and walk out, but I was itching to see my baby on the ultrasound, so I took a deep breath and plastered a smile to my face. These days it's hard to do that since I'm feeling mostly moody and tired. I found out that they don't do the ultrasounds there in the office. They have to make me an appointment. The urge to put my hands around their throats was tremendous. My husband had taken the day off to be with the kids so that I could waste my time with this appointment and now he won't be able to be there for the ultrasound. Mary didn't even think I would want an ultrasound thinking that I was very naturalistic. Me? Naturalistic? Hey, man, I'll take a couple Tylenol just like the other dude. I'm not big on pain. Do people think that women who have home births like pain? With every single labor I've had, it's been a nightmare of pain. A nightmare. I'm not kidding. I know you are wondering, "What the crap? Then why deal with it?" It's very simple. I have a phobia. I'll pop a couple pills just as you please when I'm sick with the flu. I'll happily knock myself out with Nyquil when I have a cold. But when I'm pregnant? I stare at the medication in our cabinet and start hyperventilating. I would rather deal with the flu, aches, a cold, anything before I dose myself. I just can't stand the thought that whatever I put inside me affects my baby. Just the thought of that tiny little human growing inside of me getting a dose of Nyquil sends me stuttering like an idiot. Why should it be any different with me when I'm in labor? I know that I'm in a tremendous amount of pain, but I don't lose my mind. My spirit, my soul, my mind are still intact and just because I'm going through hell doesn't mean I lose myself. Earlier today, I had an interesting conversation with my husband. He said that in England during your last trimester the local midwife comes to your home and cooks and cleans for you on occasion. I looked at him in with yearning and asked, "Could we move to England? I would reeeaaallly like to live there."