Forgiveness

How many times have I held a grudge against those who have wronged me? Too many times to count. I like to wallow in my self-pity and replay the hurtful things said and done to me over and over again like a record in my head. I want to feel the bitterness creeping through my heart and soul and nourish it so that forgiveness is a thought I'm not even close to thinking about. That is only one of my sins, but one that has been fed throughout the years. I was confronted by this particular sin of mine when I was a teenager. I was giving the silent treatment to a friend of mine for some offense that I couldn't even remember. My mother pointed out to me that I have not forgiven this person and made amends with her. I was furious with my mother for making me look into a mirror. I did not like being shown my sins. It did make me think about what kind of person I am. If I truly wanted to become more like Christ, I had to swallow my pride and forgive my friend. Not only that, but become her friend again and endeavour to be a good one no matter what. Even now as an adult, I do the motions of forgiveness. Then everything comes to a crashing halt when I am hurt again by someone in my life. Sometimes, I get so frustrated with being a woman that I could just scream. Why do we have to be such emotional creatures? Why can't I just let it roll off my shoulders? I have watched my husband closely over the years we've been married and I am always struck dumb by the way he can just let go of things. I am entirely different. I roll it around in my head like a piece of hard candy in my mouth. I talk bitterly to my husband about whatever is bothering me for years on end, but he is always patient with me and just lets me talk. How many times have I wronged those that I love in some way? What makes me better than anyone else? Even Paul, Christ's apostle, was a murderer, killing those who proclaimed faith in Jesus, and yet Christ forgave him. Peter denied Jesus three times and even then Christ forgave him. Not once did Jesus give them the silent treatment or become bitter. Suddenly my actions look so childish and petty. Whenever my pride gets out of proportion, I will read Colossians 3:12-17-

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Thanks, Mom, for showing me my sin and thank you Lord Jesus for your grace and mercy.