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Baby Tips

Tips for the first-time mother:

1) Do NOT leave the bowl of baby food on the highchair tray while feeding your baby. You will end up with baby food decorating the wall, the floor, the baby, and yourself. Hold the bowl far away from baby's reach.

2) Do NOT try to feed a 7-month-old baby his cereal in front of the TV. You will end up with cereal on the carpet, the baby, and yourself. It is best to feed him in his highchair where he can't crawl all over you during his meal.

3) Once baby starts creeping, post gates at bottom of stairs. He will be climbing up the stairs even when you think he can't do it yet.

4) Cover your nose with a protective covering when holding baby at all times. For some reason, babies think it is detachable or edible.

5) Make sure your cat isn't stupid.

6) Do not wear long earrings and keep your hair out of reach. You'll end up bleeding or bald.

7) Learn to sleep sitting up straight.

8) Learn how to change a poopy diaper on your lap without getting it on your church clothes.

9) Exercise by doing a lot of squats. If your baby is fussy and you are in public, it is best to just hold him in your arms and squat down to pick up whatever it is you dropped. You're going to need strong thighs.

10) Savor every moment. Smother him with kisses, hugs, tickles, raspberries, smiles, and funny noises. This time will go by too fast.

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