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Morbid Thoughts

There are various reasons why I don't appreciate being woken up by Sneezy in the middle of the night. 1) I don't get enough sleep as it is, 2) I have to visit the bathroom every single time, and 3) I think.

Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking. I even encourage it on occasion. My kind of thinking, though, leads to sleeplessness.

It's not all bad. Usually, my best organizing ideas come to me in the middle of the night. I then implement those ideas the next day and I'm a happy mom. An organized mom is a happy mom, I always say.

But, and this is a big but, sometimes my thoughts veer toward the morbid.

The other day, I was talking with my husband after dinner and suddenly I asked him, "Do you ever have a feeling of doom?"

He said, "All the time," with frank weariness. "No, I mean that something really terrible could happen to our family at any time," I insisted. "Yes, all the time," he also reiterated to me. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

We were quiet for a moment as I sat there and thought about why I have this horrible feeling all the time.

Then it hit me.

I've been watching the news.

I haven't always done this. For some time, though, I've been turning on the TV and watching the morning news before heading downstairs for homeschool with the boys. Even occasionally, I will watch the evening news.

Every single day, a tragedy or accident of some kind is reported.

I resolved then and there to stop watching the news. I want to be one of those responsible people who is aware of what is going on in the world, but I believe it has taken its toll on my mind.

Thinking about other people's lives and tragedies has made me worry for my own sons and their lives to the point that I can't sleep at night.

I constantly remind myself to put my trust in God since He is in control, but that little bug called worry rears its head and can take over if I'm not careful. It is very sneaky.

Comments

Anonymous said…
yeah, I have to take it easy with news shows too, otherwise I get all paranoid and crud. Oh well, sometimes it is just not that interesting anyway. ;)

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