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Forgiveness

How many times have I held a grudge against those who have wronged me? Too many times to count. I like to wallow in my self-pity and replay the hurtful things said and done to me over and over again like a record in my head. I want to feel the bitterness creeping through my heart and soul and nourish it so that forgiveness is a thought I'm not even close to thinking about. That is only one of my sins, but one that has been fed throughout the years. I was confronted by this particular sin of mine when I was a teenager. I was giving the silent treatment to a friend of mine for some offense that I couldn't even remember. My mother pointed out to me that I have not forgiven this person and made amends with her. I was furious with my mother for making me look into a mirror. I did not like being shown my sins. It did make me think about what kind of person I am. If I truly wanted to become more like Christ, I had to swallow my pride and forgive my friend. Not only that, but become her friend again and endeavour to be a good one no matter what. Even now as an adult, I do the motions of forgiveness. Then everything comes to a crashing halt when I am hurt again by someone in my life. Sometimes, I get so frustrated with being a woman that I could just scream. Why do we have to be such emotional creatures? Why can't I just let it roll off my shoulders? I have watched my husband closely over the years we've been married and I am always struck dumb by the way he can just let go of things. I am entirely different. I roll it around in my head like a piece of hard candy in my mouth. I talk bitterly to my husband about whatever is bothering me for years on end, but he is always patient with me and just lets me talk. How many times have I wronged those that I love in some way? What makes me better than anyone else? Even Paul, Christ's apostle, was a murderer, killing those who proclaimed faith in Jesus, and yet Christ forgave him. Peter denied Jesus three times and even then Christ forgave him. Not once did Jesus give them the silent treatment or become bitter. Suddenly my actions look so childish and petty. Whenever my pride gets out of proportion, I will read Colossians 3:12-17-

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Thanks, Mom, for showing me my sin and thank you Lord Jesus for your grace and mercy.

Comments

Andrea said…
Dee,
"Why do we have to be such emotional creatures? Why can't I just let it roll off my shoulders?"
I have heard it said that often our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses. In the case of women, God created us to be relational. Men were created to take dominion, to conquer, we were created to make it possible for them to do that. When I'm struggling with why I'm so bothered by a break down in relationships, I'm reminded that relationships are what I was created for. And men very much need us to be this way. We see how men get isolated and cold when they are not in healthy relationships. The wild west clearly showed us the end of men without women. Prostitution, murder, drunkenness were rampant. But women anchor men in relationships, we curb the baser instincts in our men. So this is our great strength, but at the same time, relationships are sometimes too important to us. So when we feel betrayed, we lash out in the most cruel ways. I don't know if you are doing this, but I see women, and I find myself tempted with this, who despise their femaleness. The best way to bless others is to embrace our femaleness while guarding against the particular sin we are susceptible to, and not rebel against the way God has made us.

I really appreciate your candor in this post and very much identify with it. God bless you.
February 13, 2007 at 4:23 PM
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